Wife. Mom. Caddie. Superwoman. Rearrange the words in any order and the result is the same. Abigail van Tonder is a rare individual, a central force in the life and career of her husband, leading South African professional Daniel.

It’s been this way virtually from the moment Van Tonder walked up to buy a cup of coffee from her stall at the 2013 Nelson Mandela Championship at Mount Edgecombe.

At that stage, Daniel was ranked around 600th in the world. Now, he’s a 13-time winner inside the top 200 who has reached a high of 71. He’s also a father and husband, and all-round great guy, the ‘face’ of Team Van Tonder. But the hashtag of #strongertogether rings as true for Team Van Tonder as it does for anyone.

‘It’s not always easy to separate being wife and caddie, especially after a tough round,’ says Abigail shortly after Daniel had missed the cut at The Open Championship at Royal Portrush.

‘Since Gabriela was born, our purpose and drive have only grown. Everything we do is for her’

‘But we’ve learned to leave golf on the course and protect our relationship off it. Communication and mutual respect are key. At the end of the day, we’re partners in every sense – golf is what we do, not who we are.’

Things have changed for the Van Tonders as they continue on their life journey. They became parents to a daughter, adding to their juggling act, although when they are travelling they leave young Gabriela with a nanny, Jahr.

‘Social media often makes travelling with babies look easy, but most of those situations are short-term holidays. We move from country to country every week – new beds, flights, time zones – it would be exhausting and disruptive for a baby,’ says Abigail.

‘We are both out on the course all day and there’s very little time or flexibility to care for a baby during work hours. It’s not fair to her routine, her sleep, or her development at this stage.

‘Since Gabriela was born, our purpose and drive have only grown. Everything we do is for her.I work as Daniel’s caddie and it’s not just support, it’s my career. Daniel’s golf is our livelihood, which makes what we do a job, not a holiday.’

Whether you’re a mom or a caddie, the physical and mental workload is exhausting, and Abigail plays a full part in both roles. ‘As a caddie, I’m very involved in the on-course decision-making. I help with yardages, wind direction, club selection, reading lies and shot strategy. Daniel always makes the final call, but we’ve built a rhythm of trust and communication. I know when to give input and when to step back – we work as a team.

Gallery below

‘The bag usually weighs between 22-25kg, depending on what’s packed (rain gear, balls, water, etc) and on hot days or hilly courses, I do feel the strain, especially late in the round. I try to stay active and strong so I can handle the physical demands.’

Daniel’s three wins in the past year have come on home soil, but that doesn’t mean that when they’re in South Africa, the pressure is off when it comes to family and golf commitments.

‘We have an incredible support system, our village,’ says Abigail. ‘My mom and dad, Lindi and Pieter, are a huge support. They absolutely adore Gabriela and send us photos and videos whenever they can – it keeps us connected even when we’re far away. Jarh is amazing, and knowing that Gabriela is so well cared for gives us peace of mind on the road.

‘Being away from her is so hard, but we’ve had to make the best decision for her well-being and development right now.

‘This is something we considered carefully even before having children. Daniel has had other caddies in the past and he’s open to working with others, but he genuinely enjoys it more when I’m on the bag. He feels more relaxed, more focused, and we work well as a team.’

‘Daniel genuinely enjoys it more when I’m on the bag. He feels more relaxed, more focused, and we work well as a team’

That team started with an interaction relating to a cup of coffee 12 years ago.

‘We’re both Afrikaans speaking, but I spoke English to him because, to be honest, I wasn’t really interested,’ she says of the moment the then 22-year-old came to her coffee stall on the driving range.

‘I wasn’t actually open yet. I told him he needed to wait for his change. He told me he’d wait for a pretty face anytime. We just kept in contact from there. Then we started dating in 2014 and the following year we were engaged.’

Growing up in Potgietersrus (Mokopane), golf and caddying were the furthest thing from the young Abigail’s mind. ‘I actually wanted to be a game ranger.’ But life’s fairways took a different route and there are no regrets.

Team Van Tonder has thrived and trampled on so many well-worn opinions on husbands and wives working together full time, and doing so with a relentless travelling schedule and pressured situations on the professional golf circuit, is admirable. Throw in the fact they are parents to a young daughter and they’re an incredible double act.

‘Everything we do out here is for Gabriela. Becoming a mom added another layer of meaning and motivation. That gives me strength and perspective – even when the day is long or tough,’ says Abigail.

ABIGAIL’S WOMEN’S MONTH MESSAGE

‘It is a time to reflect on the strength and adaptability we carry, especially when we step into motherhood. Becoming a mom doesn’t mean losing yourself, it just means your purpose shifts, your pace changes and your heart gets bigger.

‘You can still be passionate about your career, your dreams and your identity while being a present and loving mom. It’s not easy and the balance isn’t perfect, but it’s worth it. Just because we become moms doesn’t mean our lives end, it just means they change.’

TYRONE WINFIELD/CARL FOURIE/SHUNSHINE TOUR/ABIGAIL VAN TONDER